Contrary to popular belief, men do desire marriage. As the scriptures say, “And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him’” (Genesis 2:18). Having a wife is a beautiful thing, particularly when she fulfills the role as outlined by Yahuah (God). Men seek a partner who is willing to be on their team, not someone who stands as an opponent. However, women who embody this supportive role are becoming increasingly rare, making it difficult for many men to take marriage seriously.
In contemporary society, many men are hesitant to pursue committed relationships or marriage, often perceiving it as a form of constraint. This sentiment is echoed in 1 Timothy 4:3, which prophesies about a time when men will "forbid to marry" and suggest that marriage is wrong. Many men no longer see the value in marriage, feeling that the potential downsides outweigh the benefits. They often feel emasculated in their efforts to make the marriage work, leading them to question, "What's the point?"
Furthermore, the perception that women disproportionately benefit from marriage—particularly given the judicial system's tendencies to favor them—has contributed to the rise of movements such as "Men Going Their Own Way" (MGTOW). This context raises important questions about why men are increasingly opting out of marriage. What societal changes have influenced this shift in perspective? Why do modern standards deter men from pursuing marriage? This exploration aims to provide insight into these questions, offering a perspective on why men are increasingly hesitant to embrace marriage in today's world.
I. Body Count is a Reason Why Many Men Refuse to Get Married
In today's society, the idea of women going through a "hoe phase" has become increasingly normalized and even encouraged. The sexual revolution and modern feminism, initially aimed at empowering women, have sometimes led to an increase in promiscuity, which many men view unfavorably. Consequently, some men are reluctant to marry due to the perceived scarcity of virgins or women with a low body count.
Men often seek to feel that they have found someone special—someone who has not been "ran through" or involved with many partners. They want to be confident that their wife has not had numerous relationships, believing that a wife should be a precious jewel, not someone who, as Charles Beckem aptly put it, is "like a doorknob that many have taken their turn with."
As society becomes increasingly filled with women who have been overly promiscuous, men may begin to question the value of marrying such women. It is often said that the greatest things a woman can offer a man are her body and loyalty. If a woman falls short in terms of a low body count, some men may feel it is not worth placing her in the role of a wife.
II. Gender Roles is a Reason Why Many Men Refuse to Get Married
Many men today are increasingly reluctant to marry due to shifting gender roles. In modern times, many women do not aspire to be wives according to traditional or scriptural standards. They may seek the glamour of a wedding and the status of being married without fully embracing the traditional role of a wife.
A significant factor contributing to this shift is the evolving dynamics of gender roles and expectations. Modern women are increasingly independent, career-focused, and less reliant on marriage for financial or social stability. While these changes have empowered women, they have also disrupted the traditional balance within relationships. Many men feel that their role in marriage has become ambiguous or undervalued, leading to feelings of disempowerment.
As a result, men are increasingly rejecting the idea of marrying women who exhibit these traits, viewing them as incompatible with the traditional concept of marriage. They believe that such women are not suited to be wives in the traditional sense and therefore choose not to marry them. Women's empowerment should complement men, not oppose them; it should support rather than overpower or emasculate them. Unfortunately, many women fail to recognize this, leading them to be overlooked for marriage.
III. The Trade-Off Is Not Worth It is a Reason Why Many Men Refuse to Get Married
Many men might consider marriage if the trade-offs didn’t seem so unfavorable. To them, marriage feels like a significant gamble, akin to putting all their eggs in one basket. With the mindset of the modern-day woman, marrying her can seem risky due to her perceived inability to commit to something lasting. Given the abundance of options and suitors who may deceive her into believing they genuinely want her, many women are seen as more likely to end a marriage in divorce—an outcome men are increasingly unwilling to risk.
Men of value want to ensure they remain stable and avoid being taken advantage of in the courts. They seek security not only in marriage but also in the event of divorce. High divorce rates and the perceived bias in family courts, which often favor women in custody and alimony disputes, further discourage men from committing to marriage. The fear of losing assets, children, and personal freedom in the event of a divorce makes marriage seem like a risky endeavor with few rewards.
IV. Protecting Their Peace is a Reason Why Many Men Refuse to Get Married
Many men claim they avoid marriage to preserve their peace. Some have experienced firsthand the lack of tranquility in marriage, while others have observed the turbulent experiences of friends or acquaintances. Many have also heard stories from fellow men about how marriage disrupted their peace.
After a long day of hard work and dealing with the outside world, a man desires peace when he comes home. He does not want to return to a nagging, combative, or perpetually dissatisfied wife. Many women mistakenly believe that marriage revolves around their happiness, expecting men to bend over backward to achieve this, often at the cost of their own peace. This is precisely what men want to avoid. They would rather enjoy the company of women to satisfy their desires and then send them back to their own space, rather than live with them and endure the chaos brought on by their whims and lack of support as a helpmate.
Women must remember the wisdom of the scriptures: "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house" (Proverbs 25:24 KJV). Another prophet wisely noted, "I had rather dwell with a lion and a dragon, than to keep house with a wicked woman" (Sirach 25:16). Women should seek to add to a man's peace, not take it away; they should strive to support him, not fight against him. The scriptures say, "Blessed is the man that hath a virtuous wife, for the number of his days shall be double. A virtuous woman rejoiceth her husband, and he shall fulfil the years of his life in peace" (Sirach 26:1-2). A woman who embodies these qualities is a good candidate for marriage.
V. Men Are No Longer Viewed as the Prize is a Reason Why Many Men Refuse to Get Married
The world has indeed turned upside down (Isaiah 24:1). There was a time when men were regarded by women as the prize. According to scripture, women were always viewed as a gift from Yahuah (God) given to men, as supported by Proverbs 18:22 and 19:14. Sirach reinforces this view by stating, "A good wife is a good portion, which shall be given in the portion of them that fear the Lord" (Sirach 26:3). Thus, a woman is not the prize but rather a gift.
In contrast, Yahuah declared, "I will make a man more precious than fine gold, even a man than the golden wedge of Ophir" (Isaiah 13:12). Men are the prize, and women are the gift. However, modern-day women have misconstrued this concept. Some women with this backward thinking attempt to place men in a subservient position, believing themselves to be the ultimate prize. They expect men to pedestalize and worship them, demanding that men be enslaved to their desires because they view themselves as the ultimate prize. This is not what men desire in a wife.
As more men recognize that they are the prize and women are the gift, they become increasingly unwilling to marry if women do not acknowledge this truth. A good man will fulfill his responsibilities by caring for his wife as a gift from Yahuah, but only if she aligns with the role of being that gift. Unfortunately, many women remain prideful and arrogant, believing the world revolves around them simply due to their physical attributes. Men are starting to look beyond these superficial qualities when choosing a wife.
Given that many modern women share similar physical traits, these attributes no longer hold as much weight in a man's decision-making process. Men understand that finding a good man is rare, making them the prize who can choose wisely. Therefore, if women fail to realign their perspective with scripture regarding who is the prize and who is the gift, men will be reluctant to marry them. Women must wake up and adjust their views according to scripture if they wish to be chosen as a wife. Failure to do so may result in a life of transient relationships and eventual solitude.
In conclusion, the evolving dynamics surrounding marriage reflect broader shifts in societal values and expectations. While the scriptures affirm the divine intention for men to seek companionship and marriage, modern realities have introduced complexities that challenge traditional views. Factors such as changing gender roles, perceptions of body count, the risk-reward balance of marriage, the desire for personal peace, and the shifting view of men as the prize all contribute to the growing reluctance among men to marry.
Men's hesitation to commit to marriage is not a rejection of the institution itself but rather a response to the changing landscape of relationships and societal norms. For many, the traditional role of marriage and the expectations placed upon it have become misaligned with contemporary realities. As such, men are increasingly questioning the value of entering into a marriage that may not meet their needs or align with their values.
For women, understanding these shifts is crucial in addressing the barriers to marriage. Aligning with scriptural perspectives on the roles and responsibilities within a marriage and striving to fulfill those roles can help bridge the gap between current perceptions and traditional values. Recognizing the intrinsic worth of both partners in a marriage—where men and women are valued for their unique contributions—can foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Ultimately, re-evaluating and realigning perspectives on marriage in light of both scriptural teachings and modern realities may pave the way for a renewed appreciation of this sacred institution. By addressing the concerns and expectations of both men and women, society can move towards a more balanced and supportive approach to marriage, ensuring that it remains a cherished and meaningful commitment.
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